First I would like to thank everyone in their support. It has been an incredible year. We have been through some significant emotions, and our friends and family have been there. That in and of itself is wonderful.
We learned first that we were expecting in July of 2004. We were scared. Terrified of every aspect this pregnancy was to bring. What did it mean? Was this going to be a repeat? Had it been long enough? Can we handle this? Will we survive? What will be do if this is a repeat? The list goes on and on...
With this type of apprehension we took everyday one at a time. How else could we look at it? We did keep the knowledge from everyone until we had a confirmation that everything was ok… even Kjerste!! We wouldn’t know until 2 days before thanksgiving that year. We would have to wait 5 months before we could say anything.
I know personally my mind was running in all directions, thoroughly petrified for there to be something wrong. My life has not given me very much visibility to good luck, and how would I handle dealing with more bad luck. Even as I write this 2 days after she was born, I am still weighing my luck.
That November we had such great anticipation running in parallel with a great emptiness we felt for Kyle. This combination provided tears of sorrow, joy, pain, elation, and above all guilt. We were running on such a fine edge of the question that still would remain unanswered for many months to come. Was this the right time.
Upon the outcome of the level 2 ultra sound we discovered that it was a girl, and every inch of her plumbing was perfect. There was no defect in any aspect of not just her heart and lungs, but her entire being. THANK GOD!!! Now it has been speculated by many people so I will set the record straight. Yes my FAITH was tested because of Kyle, but we chose the name FAITH prior to Kyle’s conception. In the culmination of what we have gone through, it is just a coincidence. Albeit a quirky one….
So we slowly let people know. With such great news, we had such great restraint. We did not want to “jinx” any part of it. If someone asked the right questions we freely mentioned that we were expecting and when. But only then. Many people felt somehow robbed that we never mentioned it, but for us that was a small price to pay.
It still was a 3 ring circus of emotion for all of us, including Kjerste. Although it was tough to gauge what a 7 year old is thinking truly, we were as understanding as possible. She would cry, and would tell us it was about her brother. Over time we were able to understand it was a concern for her sister she had and did not know how to verbally bring it about. Ironically this 7 year old would keep us centered on our one day at a time philosophy with her questions and emotions.
Christmas was a mountain to cross. I had always held a soft spot in my heart for anything Christmas. My record with Christmas for the past couple years has left that spot somewhat hardened. This was not going to be any easier. I wept for Kyle, and wept for Faith. Those emotions were beginning to merge.
Once we rolled into January and began the new year, it seemed as though new eyes had began to come over me. My job was doing well and felt much reward by my accomplishments the past year. We restructured our finances to lift some of the burden I was feeling. We got some snow!! And I was thinking less and less of the emptiness I felt, and more anticipation. Although I kept it in check and very guarded, I was feeling excited.
Rachel with her belly growing and growing was seemingly following the same path as I was when it came to feelings. She was much closer to it than I so she would feel relief in a kick where I just had to wait and watch. In our paranoia we purchased a fetal monitor so we could listen to her heart anytime we wanted and not just at the doctors office. We even went and recorded it! :) Anytime Rachel felt worried, she would fire up the monitor and move it about her belly until she found Faith and would lay there an listen. This was good for all of us, including Kjerste.
With as sensitive as Kjerste is, we basically glossed over the 1 year mark for Kyle. Rachel and I visited the grave, and I made a couple of appearances on my own to let him know we missed him, and loved him. And I told him all about what was going on, and his new sister. Asked him (If he could) to help comfort Kjerste and to look after Faith. March is always going to be a tough month as the years roll by, but I let him know I was pretty sure Faith was going to come out on his expected due date.
I was wrong though, but it helped me get through the month by thinking of it like that. April came and Rachel was as uncomfortable as she has ever been in her life. Out of 2 other pregnancies this has now been the longest. Kjerste was 37 weeks, Kyle was 36 weeks, and here we are going into 38 weeks. She was praying and hoping everyday all day long for her water to break!! Not until the 7th of April did her water break… FINALLY!!
On the 7th of April I got a call at 5pm from Rachel asking how long I was going to stay that evening at the office. Normal hours for me were until 6, but with a pile of projects I wanted to have cleared before she went into labor, I would stay late and attempt to get ahead. I told her sometime after 6pm I would be leaving and that I was working on something I wanted to get done before I left.
I then received another call from her at 6:20pm asking me where was I. I was slightly confused because she called me at work, where else would I be if you call me at work? The conversation was then in more of a panic mode. She said OK I will meet you there. I asked where, she said the hospital, I asked what happened, she said her water broke, I asked if she had a ride, she said yes, I said ok, I am on my way. It was as if we both just vomited a bunch of information at each other over the phone.
So there I sat, staring at my computer screen with 24 separate windows and processes open trying to get something to work. And it was starting to sink in. Something just snapped in my head. I was in exactly in the middle of something, so I had to back it out as gracefully and as quickly as I could. It was taking too long…. I was starting to panic… I would not make it there when she got there… my mind then started to race. Concentrating on a single though was not working… it’s a good thing I set restore points as I work through an issue. I restored everything back to the way it was before I started on it, and said out loud to no one “Sorry, I got to go!” As things were shutting down, I grabbed the phone and put in about 5 terrible notifications that I was not going to be in the office for about a week. My brain finally calmed down enough so I could get a straight and too the point voice message that I am gone until the 18th and for them to hit zero and ask for Dan!! I sent off some poor notes to my co-workers that Rachel’s water broke and headed out. Then I remembered I needed my jacket and left, then I remembered I needed my laptop and left, then I remembered I just knocked down half my desk leaving… and decided to just leave at that point.
To break this story slightly shorter, I arrived at the hospital before Rachel. She had her own 3 ring circus with her mother and her friend getting her down there. I asked for Rachel to grab my shoes and my acid pills, her friend took this as to mean pack me clothes…. So they show up, I had her registered and all she needed was a band, and up to the delivery rooms we went. With a pile of stuff they brought with!! We had everything already packed and ready to go, but now we had even more!! LOL
Once in the room Rachel started going through the process. He water broke at 6:15pm on the 7th, and she was dilated to 7 by 10:30pm. At this point the contractions were harder than she could deal with at the time, so the nurse gave her some nubain. With Kyle we knew how this worked, so we worked the timing correctly so she would not need anything else other than this one shot. It would only take her 2 hours after reaching a 7 that she would then begin to push, and the nubain lasts for just over 2 hours. We were right, at 12:45 she was at a 10, and the nurse had her do a test push on a contraction. Faith’s head slide down just right, and the nurse ran out to get the doctor. The doctor came in, and Rachel then was asked to push only 2 times, and Faith was born.
I got to cut the cord, and I got to take pictures. The nurses were great and said loudly things like “Daddy should come take a picture”, which would then clue me in. I was paying so much attention to Rachel for the past 8 hours, that I had difficulty moving my focus to taking pictures. I did get pictures (nothing in poor taste) and they can be seen on our heading in the family section.
Without rambling to much more here are the stats
Seven Pounds and Two Ounces at birth – Six Pounds and Thirteen Ounces at discharge
Twenty and a half inches long
Lots of Brown(blonde highlights) hair
Blue/Green/Brown eyes that look like they are going to end up Hazel
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